Hieroglyphics are Easier to Decipher

An NBA team's schedule is a funny thing. I imagine it's damn near impossible to put together, especially when Disney on Ice comes through town but the Suns are playing the Clippers tonight at home, one night after playing the Clippers on the road.

Do the Clippers come out as lambs to the slaughter again tonight or try to avenge last night's beatdown? It's impossible to tell.

The funny thing is this scheduling quirk has already occurred once for the Suns this year. They played the Kings in Sactown one night and back at home the very next night.

After squeezing out a victory on the road, the Suns dominated a team without Artest at home. It will be interesting to see who the aggressor is this evening. I've got to think the Suns will build on last night and make another statement game.

That statement being something like, "Listen up all you bottom-feeding shitty teams, we're much, much better than you and maybe we're finally starting to realize it. We've also begun to figure out that success breeds success and that if we take care of business against garbage like you, our confidence will be even higher when we have to play all those assholes in Dallas, San Antonio and Los Angeles again."

Nothing Like a Good Ol' Fashioned Beatdown

It was nice to see the Suns (Amare in particular) come out with some fire last night and really take it to an inferior team. So much for not having a blowout victory this year.

Hopefully the next time the Suns face the dregs of the league like the Timberwolves and Heat they won't play down to their level and instead impose their will from the opening tip.

That's what great teams do. At this point in the year, Suns fans aren't sure what we have just yet.

Something's Missing All Right

Jerry Brown is right, something just doesn't seem right with the Suns at this point in the year.

Brett Edwards of Fanhouse takes it a bit too far by guessing Coach D and Steve Kerr aren't seeing eye to eye. Hell, he could be right, but I'm not quite prepared for hellfire to rain down on the team as it's presently assembled.

I'm more inclined, to a certain extent, to agree with Shoals of FreeDarko in that the Suns are no longer the new hot chick in class anymore. To simplify things, the Suns are no longer having fun.

Before the season began, Coach D boldly predicted the Suns would run even more than they had in the past and I promptly sprouted a mean hard-on. I've been left with blue balls all year as we've yet to see deadly 3-point shooting accuracy and a good old-fashioned blowout.

Hopefully Grant Hill is right, that the Suns have yet to play good ball and that come May, no one really cares about December.

After all, the Suns went through an even worse start last year and then promptly ripped off 15 and 17 game win streaks...only to get bounced in the playoffs, proving Hill correct.

The point I'm doing such a horrible job of trying to make is don't be like me and actually lose sleep over what's wrong with the Suns. It is after all December, the season is only a little over a quarter over.

It's a marathon, not a sprint. It's all about peaking at the right time. And all that bullshit.

Hope they win more than they lose and secure home court for the first round.

And then proceed to lose your mind come playoff time.

Good News and Bad News

My hatred for Tony Parker and Kobe Bryant is well-documented. I've got some good news and bad news involving each player this afternoon. Here goes...

First the bad news. Tony Parker didn't actually get anally probed with a 30" alabaster dildo by a French model.

In other news, he's still a little asshole and I know deep down he masturbates in a vat of peanut butter every night thinking of Duncan's head beard.

Now onto the good news. Courtesy of MJD's Debriefing (item #3,) we learn that some Swiss guy claiming to be Kobe Bryant's former bodyguard has written a book chock full of details of Kobe's personal life.

Apparently, Kobe wanted his rape accuser taken out. Also, Kobe is a sex maniac and quite the prick.


Oh no he DIDN'T!

Sadly, all this information is completely unfounded and from what I've read this Graber guy was not actually a Kobe bodyguard or anyone who would have any of this information. The book is only available online, which speaks volumes about its legitimacy.

It sure is fun to think about though.

Kobe may be a lot of things (rapist, world's biggest phony,) but murderer? Too good to be true.

Various Suns Links For a Boring Friday Afternoon

I'm the only one in my office right now. The rest of the employees at my company were smart enough to keep some PTO days for the holidays. Me? I use all my PTO in the first three months of the year because I'm a moron and PTO is like a kickass new toy I just can't get enough of.

One advantage to being alone in the office is the fantastic feeling of sitting here in my boxers. Bitches.

As there's no game tonight and my brain is simply fried from trying to figure out what it is that makes Boris Diaw tick, I'll provide a few Suns-related links to check out.

-a great, in-depth interview with Alvin Gentry, courtesy of the only basketball blog that matters, TrueHoop. Sadly, he backs off his famously calling Michael Olowakandi a "pussy."

-another Suns blog. It's somehow on Fanhouse's NBA blog roll...even though it's updated once every blue moon. I like to think that while my writing is pathetic at best and I'm known to rant like a moron, I at least keep things fresh and garner a chuckle or two every once in a while.

-this story has been beaten to death in the course of 8 hours in blogdom but I'm posting it anyway. Awesome isn't a good enough word to describe how cool it would be if female Suns fans of the "ahem" chesty variety showed their "ahem" assets for the Jumbotron.

-Phoenix Suns dancers. BON-ER-TOWN. Pretty damn tough to pick which one I'd like to can-bang most. The bios are good times, that's for sure. Fluff it up, girls.

-KJ discussing the '93 playoffs with suns.com. The whole '93 retrospective is actually pretty well done. NBA.com is a much better resource than one would think.

-a couple of trick shots


I couldn't do this in a hundred tries.


Jalen's shot from the stairs at the practice court. I still say if Coach D put he and Banks out there for just ten minutes in Game 5 against the Spurs last year, the Suns win by a couple.

Unable to Flush

If you'll remember from yesterday, I compared the Mavericks to a giant stack of shit. My opinion after last night has not changed.

For whatever reason, the Suns came out worse than flat in the first quarter and almost got run off the court. It was disgusting, despicable, disgraceful and the championship caliber of this team seemed doubtful.



Their energy stunk and rebounding and defense, the two aspects of the game most tied to that and the Suns overall success, were the most glaring issues. The Mavericks enjoyed a layup line in the first quarter as well as SIX OFFENSIVE REBOUNDS.

The entire team and Coach D shoulder the blame for the lackluster first quarter but Black Jesus' performance was the real kicker. 0-4 from the field on some shots that could be kindly characterized as questionable. He also committed two fouls and in letting Erick "Everyone in Dallas Bitches About my Giant Contract but It's Worth Every Penny Against the Suns" Dampier abuse him on the block, he looked lost and aloof.

But then the second quarter hit. After Coach D gave poor Lisa Salters the stinkeye and almost gritted his teeth to powder on national television, the Suns flipped the switch. Shots were contested. Bodies were put on Dallas' rebounders. The passing lanes were filled. Their energy level was suddenly through the roof as they cut a 17 point deficit to four at the half, making it anyone's game in the second half.

The third quarter was ugly for both sides but still close. The 4th quarter rolled around and another lull for the Suns hit. The Mavericks suddenly couldn't miss, the Suns couldn't hit a shot and Boris Diaw did his best to NOT duplicate his practically legendary playoff performance in '05. The officials also helped out with some simply awful calls (more on this later today.)

Down by 14, the Suns were done. My voice was hoarse from screaming obscenities and my brother had hung up on me because I "had derailed." But then they did it again. Dallas became complacent and the Suns capitalized, ending the game with a good look to tie it up.

The loss last night sucked and sucked hard but strangely enough, I almost feel encouraged by the result. The Suns can beat the Mavericks and I think they can beat them badly in a seven game playoff series. As poorly as they played in the first quarter and for a stretch in the fourth, they were still in position to force overtime.

There was no answer for Black Jesus in the fourth quarter. He and Nash were unstoppable on the pick and roll, it was pretty fun to watch. It's a shame Amare only really turned it on in the 4th.

Again, playing a full 48 was an issue last night and the 17 point hole they dug themselves in the first quarter proved to be too much. If I'm a Dallas fan though, my giant belly and mullet are shaking uncontrollably. They match up better with the Spurs than the Suns.

Now it's time to look back on my post from yesterday on what to keep an eye on.

Josh Howard 23 points and 7 rebounds. He looks like the same player to me. He's more aggressive and seems to have improved his outside shot, but he's still dirty and I hope he gets his teeth knocked out.

Make him go left!!!!

the bench Eddie Jones did indeed start. I'm still not exactly sure why, however. He played only 17 minutes, took just three shots and scored zero points. Why not just start Stackhouse, especially when he and Jason Terry both played 28 minutes? Neither were world burners last night but I'd rather give one of those two 30+ and Eddie Jones 10-. Then again, I'm a lowly psycho Suns fan and not an NBA head coach.

LB played tentatively last night. Something still doesn't seem right with him, he can't get gun shy. Boris Diaw was awful, there's no other way to characterize his play. To describe his performance last night as a step back from the last couple of games would be an understatement of epic proportions.

rebounding The Suns didn't rebound for shit in the first quarter and ended up down 17. Definitely not a coincidence. They ended up -14 for the game but didn't give up many second chances in the second half. Again, it's all about energy and who wants it more. The Suns simply didn't want it in the first quarter.

Bass I could go for a few right now. A pitcher of Bass Ale is a truly beautiful thing. Sweet, sweet nectar.



Brandon Bass was solid. He'll be a good role player for the Mavericks but nothing more.

Suns guards shooting Everyone shot well for the Suns last night. They ended up shooting 52%, partly due to the number of dunks and layups they were able to get.

We'll have to wait and see what Raja's status is, he looked to be in quite a bit of pain as he came off the floor near the end of the game.

Dirk He dominated when he needed to, even with Shawn playing ridiculously good defense. All that bullshit about him being soft and not bouncing back from the Warriors debacle is just that, bullshit.

He's an incredible player and the Suns could do nothing to stop him in the last few possessions. Josh Howard is a nice player but he's a complementary player, he's second fiddle. Dirk is the real deal and the Mavs will only go as far as he can carry them.

This hasn't been the best stretch for the Suns but maybe Coach D is right, they're still feeling things out. Next game is Saturday at home against the Raptors (should be entertaining) and then Christmas Day in LA against the Lakers.

GO SUNS!

Stacking Shit and Calling it Dallas

Video for reader Mike. He thinks of Dallas and can't come up with anything but steers and queers. Indeed, kind sir. Indeed.

If tonight's game is half as exciting as last year's double overtime thriller, we're all in for a treat. I'd prefer a 30 point blowout by the Suns but a win is a win.

Interesting fact from nba.com, the Suns haven't swept the Dallas and San Antonio trip since Feb. 14 and 17, 1998. Like most statistics you have to take it with a grain of salt but it's interesting nonetheless.

Keep an eye out for:

-Josh Howard - he's elevated his game this year and has just about pushed Dirk out as Dallas' number one option. My guess is that as the year goes on Dirk will pull his head out of his ass and he and Howard will become one of the more dangerous 1-2 punches in all the league.

Howard really brings it on the defensive end and he'll give Marion all he can handle and more. However, the beauty of having Grant in the lineup instead of James Jones is there's just one more mismatch for the Suns to exploit. Howard may have to slide over at times to check Grant. We'll be seeing Hill's impact throughout the year in more ways than the box score can show.

I would think Hill and Marion will both spend some time on Howard. I'm interested to see how he performs, this will admittedly be the first Mavericks game I've watched all year. Let's see if all the talk about him being the next Scottie Pippen is really warranted.

-according these NBA notes (.pdf), the Mavericks are starting Eddie Jones. Again, I haven't watched these guys all year so forgive my ignorance but Eddie Jones? Seriously? I know getting offense off the bench is important but I'm floored by this.

Then again, maybe it isn't such a bad idea after all (TrueHoop):


Avery brings Jason Terry AND Jerry Stackhouse off the bench, two guys who can really light it up. Jason Terry in particular has killed the Suns in the past. As a streak shooter, the best way to throw him off is to get physical. As my old school father would say, "KNOCK HIM ON HIS ASS!!!!"

LB and Diaw will need to bring the energy and punch tonight more than ever. Diaw especially has shown more aggressiveness in the last few games and it's been a more than welcome addition. Playing with fire and energy is contagious. The bench has to help set the tone for the rest of the team and provide a proverbial shot in the arm.

We know Terry and Stackhouse will come out firing, it's what they do best.

-rebounding, rebounding, rebounding. With Dampier and Diop down low, along with Howard and Dirk, the Mavericks have a clear rebounding advantage. We can't expect the Suns to win the rebounding battle but as long as they stay solid down low and unlike past games, keep Dampier off the offensive glass, things will go in the right direction.

-Brandon Bass. I know nothing about this guy either but according to his hoopedia bio he likes to prepare vegetarian dishes. I would think it would be seafood. Be sure to tip your waitresses.

He was a second round draft pick by the Hornets a couple of years ago and the Mavs picked him up as a free agent. He's apparently kicking some serious ass because I keep hearing his name in conjunction with words like awesome, surprise and wow.

Let's see what this kid is made of. I haven't seen him play a minute of basketball but my guess is he's an Avery Johnson type guy. He'll hustle, play solid defense and generally be a thorn in the side of the Suns.

I predict I'll be cursing him by the end of the fourth quarter.

-Nash, LB and Raja actually shooting well. The New Orleans and San Antonio games were for the most part not kind to the Suns guards. Nash usually likes to give Cuban the stinkpalm, I really hope he goes off for a big game and Raja and LB follow suit.

When LB is hot, the Suns are at their best. He's due to blow up one of these games, right? What better time than tonight, against a guy some claim is faster than he is.

Listen people, Devin Harris is ridiculously fast. But he's also out of control 90% of the time. He's like a cheetah trying to slow down on a savannah full of vaseline. LB is the graceful gazelle that breaks cheetah ankles.

-the seven foot weenie. Dirk went to Australia, Dirk had a nervous breakdown, Dirk has nightmares about the Warriors, blah blah blah.

Fuck that. The guy is still 7 foot tall, can bomb threes with the best of them (although he is shooting just 20% this year) and is nearly unguardable in the high post.

I'll believe all that shit when I see it.

My prediction: the Suns screw off the Mavericks heads and shit down their necks.

Look for more thoughts tonight after the game or first thing in the morning.

GO SUNS!

My All-Hate Team

I get fired up during Suns games, I'm not ashamed to admit it. I get REALLY fired up when they're playing the Lakers, Spurs, Mavericks or Bulls. With the history with these four teams I can't help but lose it every once in a while and feel my blood pressure soar.

Every Suns fan I know loathes at least three of the four teams I listed and has a special place of hate reserved for a particular player or two.

Here's the players that make up a squad I wouldn't mind seeing develop a serious case of IBS.

PG - Tony Parker

I'm willing to bet this guy is the starting point guard on 95% of NBA fan's all-hate team. There's almost too many things to list about this guy that make me sick:
-head beard
-Tim Duncan man love
-skinny camera whore wife
-his ability to bang skinny French models he met at his wedding
-ability to take anyone off the dribble
-this video


honorable mention:Devin Harris, Sam Cassell

Shooting Guard - Kobe Bryant

He's the best player in the league and he's also the league's biggest asshole/fake/douchebag. I have nothing else to say about him, I don't want to get too angry and neglect naming the rest of the team.

honorable mention: none, this one is all Kobe. He's definitely the unquestioned leader of my All-Hate Team. Besides, Manu now comes off the bench.

Small Forward - Josh Howard

He's a secretly dirty player and consistently kills the Suns. I'm afraid of him, as he keeps getting better and better every year. If he went off for 40 against the Suns tomorrow night I wouldn't be the least bit surprised.

If it turned out Jaws from Moonraker was his biological father, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised.

honorable mention: Luol Deng

Power Forward - Tim Duncan

It was a close race between he and Dirk but I have to recognize Duncan for being consistently awesome and so easily hateable (not a word) for such a long time.

To borrow a line from Maddox to describe Duncan's nose, it looks like someone slammed a potato on his face and he kept it out of spite.

honorable mention Dirk, Odom, Boozer

Center - Andrew Bynum

This one is given more for potential than anything. I get upset just thinking about his pencil mustache and what he could become in a couple of years. He gets bonus points for being a Laker.

honorable mention: Ben Wallace, Nazi Oberto

Bench - Manu Ginobli, Jerry Stackhouse, Luke Walton

We'll stick with an 8 man rotation in honor of Coach D and his iron will to do the same.

Manu - much like Tony Parker, there's almost too much to hate. Some people hate his nose, I hate his flopping and flailing and his uncanny ability to make ridiculous shots look easy.

Stackhouse - it seems like he's been playing for longer than Grant Hill. He has a smushy face and he almost killed Joe Johnson. Also, he played at North Carolina for Dean Smith. Fuck you, Jerry.

Walton - people think he's a great all-around player. Take him out of the stage-lighting in LA and give him a different dad and he's Brian Scalabrine. Also, he acted in a soap opera.

Coach - Pat Riley

Riles has lost it. He'll quit on his team again in about another month. He needs to go away and retire the hair grease once an for all. I've lost more respect for Phil Weber than anyone knows, I can't believe he's rocking the Riles hairdo this year. Coach D needs to put a stop to that immediately.


So there it is, my All-Hate Team. Pretty damn good squad. It would be a shame if something like this happened to every single one of them:

I'm Satisfied

Nice win for the Suns last night against the hated Spurs. Yes, Tony Parker didn't play and it's only December, but it was good to see the Suns grind out a win despite poor shooting from Nash, Raja and LB.

Tim Duncan absolutely dominated in the first half, as he put on a clinic on how to use the glass. I hate his guts but not so much that I can't admit he's the best power forward to ever suit up. He's an unreal player. So is his insistence on looking to the officials for a whistle after every single play.

I know Grant Hill was the high scorer for the Suns and really filled up the stats sheet but I thought Boris Diaw was the difference in the game. 11 points on 5-11 shooting, 6 assists and 5 boards. Not dazzling but he really made the most of the mismatches against the Spurs, as he only had one turnover and was aggressive with the ball from the minute he stepped on the court. That's the Boris we all know and love. The Spurs didn't have an answer for him on the block and consistently brought the double team.

The conclusion to the game couldn't have been any sweeter. Seeing Manu dribble that ball off his foot made my week. Christmas came early a few nights early.

No bitching about the officials or Coach D not playing his bench even when Matt Bonner and Horry made their appearances. Just satisfaction with a hard-fought win on the Spurs home court.

Onto Dallas, where the Mavs just finished up an impressive win on the suddenly hapless Magic. Look for a preview some time tomorrow and more posts today.

Rod Benson...King of All Baller Bloggers

Quick post for this guy, he deserves it. If you're not making it a point to check his blog on Yahoo every couple of days, you need to start.

He's smart and funny and a pretty damn good writer. You won't see any LOL'ing or OMFG'ing like other NBA bloggers often do (Oden.) He also writes his own material (Gilbert Arenas.)

This post in particular has made me long for an update every day.

Two D-League themed posts in one day, never thought that would happen.

Well Done, Alando

The Suns first round pick in last year's draft was named the D-League's Performer of the Week. Nice work, Alando.

Dropping 40 points is pretty damn impressive, even if it is the D-League.

Sounds like he'll be back in Phoenix anchored to the end of the bench in no time.

"It's Only December"

That's what a gentleman at Scottsdale's Pump it Up (a kid's birthday party center with the giant, inflatable bouncy deals...the place is fantastic) told me yesterday as we were discussing the Suns effort against the Hornets a bit.

While he's absolutely correct, things just don't seem right. The team has lost three of their last four and it hasn't been pretty, as two of those losses came to the Timberwolves and the Heat, teams that have been paying rent for the basement all year.

We've been spoiled by this Suns team for some time now but I discount that as the reason for the belly-aching by every Suns fan, including myself, over this past week. Their body language is bad and their rebounding and defense (minus the Jazz game) have been atrocious.

With a visit tonight to a hated Spurs team that is hitting their stride early this year, things can get worse in a hurry. What's so frustrating for myself is the Suns could come out tonight with energy and win the game handily despite the Spurs undefeated record at home this year.

But if that's the case, and I hope it is, why get up for this game and not a gimme against the Heat? Why protect home court when a tough but reeling Jazz team comes to town but then lay an egg in the first half against a game New Orleans team?

Is Coach D riding his 8-man rotation too hard? Are those "chemistry issues" we heard about all off-season rearing their ugly head? Are guys simply hurting?

It's a long year and the season is only 1/4 finished so the answers to those questions will have to wait. As the gentleman I spoke with yesterday said, "it's only December."

Unfortunately, at this point, it's hardly one to remember.

All I Want For Christmas is a Full 48...

...and maximum effort from all 8 guys.

It wasn't pretty in the first half and it sure wasn't pretty when Shawn airballed a good look after Coach D decided a timeout was a bad idea. Amare and Shawn standing there with their hands on their hips not fouling after New Orleans got the rebound said it all about the effort of the Suns in tonight's game.

I don't have the effort at this point either, as the old blood pressure most likely reached dangerous levels during the crapfest that was the second quarter as well as the last four minutes of the game when the Suns pissed away the lead they worked so hard to regain.

It's only December and I can only hope the Suns learn they can't simply flip a switch and beat a very good team on the road. That just isn't the way it works.

LB looked great and Diaw was spry again as well. So at least the team has that going for them. Which is nice.

Now it's into the belly of the beast. Go into San Antonio and take steaming dump on the Alamo. Don't mess with Texas? Kiss my ass.

Everything is Hunky Dory

It's amazing what a victory over a solid Utah team can do for a team's confidence. I quote the one and only Steve Nash, via Paul Coro:

"We've got to play with that energy and intensity we played with against everybody. It made the game fun. It made us feel like a team. It made us feel like we could do some things and we have a future, so it was nice."

It's hard not to love a Suns team that is miserable because they can still be fun to watch. If they're having a good time running and gunning, the rest of the league should be on notice.

Clearly, I'm ignoring the 800 pound gorilla in the room, the "chemistry" issues we so often heard about last year and that despite Grant Hill's arrival and a new batch of bench players, who surprise, surprise, Coach D refuses to use, seem to have carried over this year at times.

Rather than analyzing the jealousy players have for Nash and the competition for alpha dog status between Amare and Marion (because really, what else can the issues be at this point,) let's take a look at the nasty, upcoming three game road trip the Suns head out for today.

Saturday @ New Orleans

Chris Paul is hot shit right now. But so was Deron Williams when his Jazz team rolled into Phoenix the other night and we all know how that turned out. Having said that, the Nash/Paul matchup will be nothing short of awesome.

The guy the Suns really need to clamp down on is the underrated David West. The former Xavier Musketeer is a scoring machine and a beast down low. Marion will once again have his hands full and will need to bring the same energy to this matchup that he brought against Boozer.

With Paul dishing to MoPete and Peja on the outside and Chandler cleaning up West's mess down low, this game promises to be entertaining as all hell.

If you're a gambler, know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em...and take the over in this one.

Monday @ San Antonio

The hated Spurs lost to the hated Lakers last night in LA. However, Duncan was out with boredom and Tony Parker sat out as well. Something about a sprained ankle i.e. gaping bunghole.

I'll have more on this game later. I plan on working myself into a good, Irish lather of hate and going off on every Spurs player, even the perfectly harmless Brent Barry.

But before I move on to Dallas, I caught a few minutes of this game last night and had to turn it off because I hate both teams with a passion. I couldn't take it. I read a little about Kevin Everett in Sports Illustrated but then found myself turning the game back on...and rooting for the Spurs.

Why? Because I've realized that no matter how many championships the Spurs win and how many teams they own the Suns, I just can't put my complete and utter hatred for Kobe Bryant and the Lakers aside. Trevor Ariza was just traded to the team two weeks ago. I had no problem with the guy when he wore that ugly Magic uniform. Now that he plays under the stage lighting of the Staples Center in Lakers purple and yellow, I suddenly want the scoreboard to drop on him.

And it's all because of Kobe. My dad chose to root for good in the 80's and put his energy behind Larry Bird and the Celtics. As a kid I was taught to dislike if not outright hate the Lakers. I was a good son, so I did.

Kobe Bryant has only solidified and confirmed my hate. I despise him. I loathe him. I dislike him more than any other sports figure in the history of sports.

I'll most likely revisit this topic on numerous occasions and maybe even more in depth. Onto the Mavericks.

Wednesday @ Dallas

All of a sudden, this seems to be Josh Howard's team. He's their go to guy as Dirk has still not recovered from being exposed by Golden State as a 7 foot weenie.

I hate to pile on Dirk because our MVP is the guy's best friend, but he really needs to get his shit together. He's a helluva good player, we all know that.

My fear is that the Suns win the first two of this brutal road trip and then let the Mavericks run all over them. I'm not sure I can stand Mark Cuban's smiling mug this early in the season. The Mavs always get up for the Suns and despite their subpar start, I expect them to do just that in this game. At the very least it will be a welcome respite from watching the Spurs play what they call basketball. Assholes. I hate them.

Stop Josh Howard, win the game. We all go to sleep happy. And try to break Jason Terry's face in the process.

If the Suns win 2 of 3 on this road trip, we should all be happy as pigs in shit. But if they keep having fun, they could go 3-0.

Links Galore

Bored at work? YouPorn not loading up properly? If you haven't read them already, here's a few links to help the time pass...

-According to Paul Coro (who does GREAT work by the way...don't read the idiots who comment after all his stories, it's ridiculous,) Nash has been hurting. He's a "disaster" in fact.

"some stuff going on with my back, neck, shoulder and stuff that's all spasmed up" scares the bejesus out of me but Nash is known for being in tip-top shape and taking better care of his body than most, especially since he suffers from Spondylolisthesis.

-More Nash, video of his goofy halftime interview with the always surprisingly scary Michele Tafoya.

-Karl Malone is such an asshole. Courtesy of Basketbawful, here's a list of his greatest hits. Notice he first nailed Nash. But don't forget him rearranging Joe Klein's face either.

My wife met Joe Klein when she worked at Orange Julius as a smoking-hot teenager about 15 years ago and all she could think to ask him was "Like, do you play basketball? Tee hee." Joe Klein! Arkansas Razorback! 7 foot mountain of a man!

-if you haven't already, check out Fran Blinebuy, a writer for the Houston Chronicle, take the Rockets and McGrady in particular to the woodshed.

-can you ever get tired of watching this?

I'm Wondering When the Strap-On Made Its Appearance

Tony Parker nailed some broad other than his tv-star wife. It's true. With Leather has all the gory details...and sexy pics (slightly NSFW, plenty of cleavage and an apple-shaped ass but no outright nudity) of the woman who made Tony bite the pillow harder than ever before.

While it upsets me that Parker can pull tail of that quality on a seemingly consistent basis, it still isn't nearly as upsetting as the all-one-length beard/hair look he shares with his main man Tim Duncan.

Where commitment happens, or so the NBA tells me. And by commitment I think they mean 80 grit sandpaper rubbing furiously together. And by 80 grit sandpaper I mean...well, you get the idea.

Suns vs Jazz...semi-live blog

I'll be posting my thoughts regarding the game after each quarter. Stupid ESPN making the game start at 8:45.

1st quarter

-Shawn Marion is bringing it. He's done a great job on Boozer and has filled the passing lanes like no other. By my count he has three deflections and two massive dunks

-the team has followed Marion's lead and has been much more active on the defensive end and on the boards. Good to see them put in the effort finally. When's the last time we saw them force a :24 violation

-Paul Millsap had a brutal first quarter

-LB's shooting still just isn't there. He and Diaw have come in and they've gotten stagnant on both ends all of a sudden.

-Boozer's eyebrows are nastier than ever. He makes some really tough shots look easy, pretty unreal.

2nd Quarter

-note to Coach D: the lineup of Skinner, Grant, Raja, LB and Boris is just no good. Ugly, ugly, ugly.

-I've seen Nash get caught in the air on a more frequent basis this last week. Seems like he's trying to force things at times...tough to complain too much though.

-Boozer is UNREAL. He has made some ridiculous shots tonight. Hands in his face, left hand down low, passed off his eyebrows, he can do it all. Too bad he stabbed a blind man in the back and could be playing with BronBron right now.

-Jeff Van Gundy is the best color commentator going. Even if Steve Kerr was still doing games I'd say that. If Doug Collins still rocked the blonde hair I probably wouldn't.

-I can't get enough of the Snickers FEAST commercials, especially when he throws the garbage drums.

-Back to back threes from Nash...he's pretty good sometims.

-Deron Williams has been surprisingly quiet so far, hopefully I'm not jinxing it. I figured he'd really bring it to Nash, as most bigger, stronger point guards tend to do (see Kidd, Jason and Dizzle, Boom.)

-quite the phantom call against Raja for Kirilenko's 3-point play. The worst he did was breath on his elbow.

-good, entertaining half. Let's see if the Suns can turn it on in the second half and LB and Diaw can shake the doldrums off. Hopefully Nash gets his tooth capped as well.

3rd quarter

-Boozer has clearly made a deal with the devil.

-Sloan wised up and started off going to Deron Williams down low and more off the pick and roll against Nash. Didn't last long though.

-terrible, terrible start to the half for the Suns. They didn't come out of the locker room with any energy. The 10-0 run the Jazz went on was with Amare, Nash and Marion all on the floor. C'mon fellas, play a full 48 minutes.

-still no sign of any bench players besides Skinner. Will Coach D never wise up? The Jazz ended the half with Harpring, Hart and Ronnie Price on the floor. You mean to tell me Sean Marks, Marcus Banks and DJ can't match up with those guys? Four minutes, anything!

-I'm beginning to think Barbosa is hurt. He can't hit water falling out of a boat, it's getting ridiculous.

-it's strange not seeing Harpring on the floor more, he's a Sloan guy. I know he's got an f'd up knee but he's a tough bastard and he hits the 15 footer with the best of them.

4th quarter

-DIAW!!!! Two 3-point plays in a row, one a rebound/putback and one an aggressive drive to the hoop. That's the Boris we know and love.

-Jazz need to stop nailing these 15-footers. It would help if the Suns got a hand in their face.

-6:00 to go in the game, too much going on, blood pressure is rising too quickly to record random thoughts

-steady diet of Boozer, Suns need to double from behind and take away his ugly fadeaway

-Black Jesus and Nash are owning the pick and roll right now but Amare is sleeping on the defensive end and on the glass.

switching to live blog

-2:30...Kirilenko for 3 shit!

-2:00...24 second violation for the Suns. Fucking ridiculous.

-1:50...brick by Boozer.. Finally.

-1:38...Grant Hill takes it to the hole, doing what he does best. He can still finish,, I love him.

-1:15...bad shot by Deron, really forced it. Nice board from Shawn, he's had an unreal game.

-:50...not a great look for Grant in the corner, not the best shot but the clock was running down.

-:38.4...Deron Williams does the smart thing, gets to the line and gets the Jazz two for one here at the end of the game. Misses the first, fuck yeah. Missed the second! SUNS BALL!!!! BOOYAH!!!!

-:15.9...I want to marry Shawn Marion at this point. I'm not even kidding. Amare keeps it alive, Shawn saves it, Amare misses but Shawn cleans it up. Suns up by five, some tight D puts this one away. Protect home court, fellas.

-:11.1...Amare hammers Brewer. Good hard foul, can't let him even get a shot off. Kurt Thomas would have smacked him on the shoulder on his way by him. Brewer hits them both.

-:11.1...Nash tag-teamed by Boozer and Williams away from the ball on the inbounds, Suns get a free throw AND the ball. Thanks eyebrows, four point game. Timeout Coach D. Gotta love the last two minutes of a basketball game. It's 10:58 right now and this might now be over until 11:15.

-:9.7...Nash fouled on the inbounds, nice play drawn up by Coach D to get him free. Why don't teams double him at this point in the game? What do the Jazz have to lose at this point anyway? You foul him, he hits both. If you leave someone open for a layup he hits two. Either way it's a wash. It's now a 6 point game as Nash hits them both.

-:2.9...Deron Williams with a brick but hits the three after the Jazz keep it alive. Timeout Coach D. I'm guessing he said something like "get the fucking ball to Steve!"

-:1.5...Nash gets free yet again, fouled when he catches it. Both free throws are good. Ball game bitches.

-Boozer finally missed and from point blank range no less. SUNS!!!!

Recap

-Quiet game for Deron Williams, strange how a guy can blow up for 40+ one night and then look pedestrian another.

-Carlos Boozer doesn't always make it look pretty but he produces. He's a beast down low but has great touch. And yes, those eyebrows.

-good to see Boris show flashes of greatness. He had a ridiculously good stretch in the beginning of the fourth quarter. Hopefully it's the start of something big. The Suns are a very good team when he's playing like shit, they're a great team when he's involved and aggressive.

-I really think LB is still hurting. His explosiveness just isn't there yet and his shooting accuracy is waaaaaay down so far this year.

-Steve Nash for MVP

-Amare had stretches of being Black Jesus but wasn't consistent on both ends. Good effort overall though, I'm nitpicking.

Guy I'd like to buy a High Life Shawn Marion - What a game. Great defense, rebounding and activity on the offensive end. He really does it all. He set the tone early on the defensive end by filling the passing lanes and making Boozer work for everything. ROOM STORE!!!!

Black Jesus owns Joseph Smith

I really hate these guys.



But I have to admit I respect the hell out of them. Jerry Sloan is a first-ballot Hall of Fame coach and Deron Williams is well on his way to making Utah fans forget John Stockton and his pasty-gangsta ways.

If only he were whiter. And didn't have 50 tattoos. And didn't drink caffeine. And wore magic underpants.

try posting on a blog without taking a shot at Mormons...it's impossible.

As we all know, this is a big game for the Suns. They've crapped the bed twice in a row now, with both losses coming to the dregs of the league.

The Jazz had the Suns number last year, going 3-1 against them. While they've lost four in a row now and haven't looked like the team that made it to the Western Conference Finals last year, the Suns haven't been world-burners either.

Jerry Sloan has loosened the reins this year on his team and let Boozer and company put up points in bunches. Their defense however has suffered and the Suns should be chomping at the bit to run these guys off the floor.

But unless the Suns decide to actually put in some effort rebounding and playing the passing lanes to create turnovers, the results will be the same as last year and Jerry Sloan will drive off into the sunset in one of his many tractors.

Either way, we'll be entertained and my blood pressure will be through the roof.

May Black Jesus dunk on Boozer's head so hard his incredibly thick eyebrows disappear.



You may go in peace.

Lucky in Love, Weak and Pensive on the Court

When Boris reported fat to camp last year I didn't think it was that big of a deal. And when he played like dogshit throughout the year I was the first to defend him. Amare was back, all that crap. After all, I saw what he was capable of in the playoffs the year prior, especially against the Dallas Mavericks.

But like many Suns fans here in our sprawling city, I've just about had it with Boris at this point. Here's his averages as a Phoenix Sun:

07-08 - 7 pts, 3.4 asst, 4.1 reb
06-07 - 9.7 pts, 4.8 asst, 4.3 reb
05-06 - 13.3 pts, 6.2 asst, 6.9 reb

Clearly, it isn't pretty. He's dropped in every category and has regressed from last year, which I didn't think was even possible. And now he's making $9 million dollars a year, making Marcus Banks' contract look like a steal.

So what's the deal with Boris? I wish I had an answer and I really wish Coach D had an answer. I'm dreading the answer being prolonged stays on the bench because the Suns need Boris.

He can abuse smaller players on the block, he's the second best passer on the team, he takes pressure off Grant and Nash when they're on the floor together, the list goes on and on. His strengths clearly outweigh his weaknesses and he wasn't awarded a $9 million per contract for nothing.

Maybe being French is just too much to overcome, all that "lover, not a fighter" bullshit. It's easier to find pictures of him cavorting with Scottsdale sluts than it is of him dunking on someone's head.

See?



Remember when he was triple-teamed in the Dallas series because he was the most unstoppable player on the floor?



I can't believe he waited for the double team to come. Maybe this pic is of '05 Boris. '05 Boris would have taken these two up to his room and worn them out in more ways than one.



That's a huge bitch!

Fist bump/man hug/cornhole to reader Pela for the tip on the pics

First Posts are Always the Hardest

Welcome to my brand-spanking new blog dedicated to any and all things Phoenix Suns related. I hope you enjoy your stay.

Please feel free to email me with any comments, thoughts or even hate mail. But before you do that, the comments section is there for a reason, so don't be afraid the join the group.

The Phoenix Suns are my favorite team in the history of ever and always will be. We've been through a lot fellow Suns fans, here's to hoping the light at the end of the tunnel is the locker room lighting reflecting off the NBA title trophy as Black Jesus, Nash and Shawn raise it up.

GO SUNS!